rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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