And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
