Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Randomize
