a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Randomize
