sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
