Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
