My sheets look like a crime scene.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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