Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize