I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
