I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
