i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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