conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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