Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize