do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
