i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
