He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
