"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
