No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
