question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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