So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I love having hate sex.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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