i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
