I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
