So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
