I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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