i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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