so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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