we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
