True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
