Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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