maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
