I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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