I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
