I CAN MOONWALK!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I am available for nakedness
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
