thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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