Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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