I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize