I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
