names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
