Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Randomize
