we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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