Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
