Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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