She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
