Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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