Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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