i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
