why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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