She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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