Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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