It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
