sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
