There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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