To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
