just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
