omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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