Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
