heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Hippo gnu deer
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
