I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize