My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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