you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
