Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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