Me. At least after what I've been through.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
