just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
