went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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