I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
