i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
