I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
