Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
