i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
