I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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