I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
